My mother named me after the song “Melissa” from the Allman Brothers Band’s Eat a Peach album. I was born out of wedlock and on my birth certificate I was given my mother’s maiden name, which of course was my grandfather’s last name.  Later, after my mother married my father, the man that adopted and raised me as his own, my last name was legally changed to his.  As an adult, I got married and took my husband’s last name.

When I started writing a memoir years ago, I decided on the last name of Auburn as a pen name. Naming myself Auburn wasn’t just about relinquishing a tradition in a patriarchal society, though it was part of it.  In reflection, I found that naming myself was more about claiming my identity.  While I was someone’s daughter, someone’s wife, someone’s step-mother, I was not owned by them.    

In photos from my first years of childhood, rays of sunlight shine down on my dark hair revealing bands of fiery copper.  In those days, my mother’s hair was thick and dark like mine but absent of any red.  As I grew up, my mother would say, “I’m brunette but you’re auburn.” This made me feel exquisite and extraordinary.  The description of “auburn” resonated with me. In my teenage years, I grew my hair out long.  Around this time my father, who was a tattoo artist said, “If I could put the color of your hair in a bottle, I would be a rich man.” 

Throughout his life my father had many opportunities to gain and hoard wealth, yet he chose a different path.  He lived his life in the moment and sought experiences rather than financial gain. My father battled addiction and struggled with bouts of inner warfare before he passed away at fifty-two.  Despite this, in writing my memoir, I realized that my father must have considered himself rich.  He was rich because he loved deeply, and despite his setbacks, he knew the importance of spending time with the ones he loved and appreciating the abundance around him. 

Daily, I seek to do the same…to live fully and appreciate each moment.  This is not easy, and I often find myself immersed in my own inner battles. Still, there are days that I find moments to slow down and appreciate the bounty that encompasses me.  In these moments, I feel rich too.  I feel auburn.